back in MI.

i misssss schh..! but i hate wearing back damai uniform.. lolx.. so longg nv wear uniform le.. den suddenly wear back like so wierd. =) went back MI to look for ms ang to take redrawal form n i redrawed. sad.. haha.. but she say still can go back for classes de.. but den again, i dun go back for classes, i go back for friends, n yeap, i met up with chris n pearlyn. after morning assembly, we went out to have breakfast at mac. i tried the bagel meal.. nv try b4 mahx.. not bad.. haha.. quite nice.. but i still do prefer the egg mcmuffin. =) pearl ate egg mcmuffin while chris had hotcakes. dey both r WIERD la... haha.. pearl needed 6 packs of sugar for her tea n chris ate hotcakes like buns, jux fold it up n into the mouth. lol.. funny eh.. den i went to meet darling n went to his house for lunch. sooooooo paisehx. =X now jux reach home to take care of my brother. gonna watch tv soon. =)



fighting with myself

standing here with an angry look on my face.
looking at a girl with a smile on her face.
she always looks happy as i always feel sad n lonely.
i ask her why she's always happy.
at first she ignores me and then later whispers in my ear "things aren't always wat they seem". as suddenly i knew wat she was talking about. this girl isnt always happy and her smile is jux used to pretend tat she is. i ask her another question, 'why do u always pretend to be happy, if ur not?' her answer was ' why dun u look in the mirror wen u ask these stupid question?'
'excuse me,' i say in response to the rude comment.
'you heard me', the girl says.

but as i step back n dun get defensive, i find a broken mirror lying to the side of me. i begin to put the pieces together and place the mirror back onto the wall.
i now have a shocked look on my face.
the girl looks exactly like me.
now as i think abt it, she talks exactly like me.
y dint i realise it b4?
maybe,bcux i dun realise myself anymore.
tat girl was me.
i smile even if i'm sad
tears form wen no one is ard.
pretending tat life is more than it is.
now, as i talk to myself, the girl in the mirror staring back at me starts fighting with me.

i'm fighting with myself.
i've been fighting myself all this time.
i've been fighting myself all these years.
i became an emotional wreck bcux i couldn't understand y life is like this.
i soon had to understand life on my own.
i had to stand my fround and pick up the pieces like a broken mirror.
i'm not going to break myself again.
put myself through hell if it's not worth the agony.
i cant pretend anymore.
wat's real is real.
even pretending doesnt cover the real truth, sooner or later u'll fight urself for reasons u wun understand.
or for reasons u understand but cant stop.
i jux want to be free.
free from fighting myself.
all these years of stabbings in the back, were caused by me.
wen i put the blame on others.
it's always someone else's fault if my life is screwed up.

now, after so many years of blame, it's my fault.
no more torturing myself n others.
my life is wat i make it.
i cant follow others, onli wat i set out for myself.
if dere is a problem den i have to fight myself to succeed.

-my hands-

HANDS R WOBLING.

yea.. tat's how i am feeling right now.. have difficulty typing this post too.. i was playing my piano for like almost half a day today.. awsome. tat's like the longest practise i had soooo far after like 12 years of being a pianist. geex.. at lease i did impove. jannah n my piano teacher agreed. =) but still got more more room to improve on.. susposed to go adelphi tomoro to practise the piano tat i gonna be using for exam. but booking is FULL. how suxy can tat be.. jannah came to my house today n we did something so SPLENDID.! gonna post up on my blog on friday.. haha.. cux i cant let the cat out of the bag. =) but we did have sooo much fun together. haha.. others jux have to understand ah.. i havent seen her for like more tat ONE WEEK.! i miss hiqmah n iylia too..!! wen can i see u guys.??????


friendship r precious.

.freak.

i'm feeling all so random n bored today.. suspose to go out with xinyu, shiying, n qinyi.. den end up.. i'm home n here typing my blog. oh man.. piano exam is coming n it realli freaks me out. got to learn all my scales within one week. c how freaking lazy i am.. haha.. =) thurs might be going out with widney for movie.. ghost rider i guess. =) hope it's nice.. she actually watched b4 liaox.. den slept insde instead, so dun mind watching again. hmm.. ytd went out with darling friends. got bit wierd actually. guess i dunno dem well enough. got soooo freaking quiet throughout. tat's like not like me.. it's like going to rain now.. N pillow burfday coming.. it's wed actually. oh well, dunno wat to say already. feeling so freaking so random.

exam coming SOON.

okok.. kinda realised tat i put toooo much photos of me n him in my last post.. lolx.. but nvm.. it's nice.. yea.. i went back to work today.. damn freaking bored. no customer, no nothing. jux chit chat with some of my collegues wen i was back at simlim square song brothers. haix.. tml got to go back south asia computer at funan. at lease i got to see my pal dere :- (tomboy.) opps. forgot her name. but well, nice friend. =) ray quit his job le.. i kinda no mood to continue on with this job. but no choice. i dun wanna go round finding other jobs. it freaks me out. at lease in Hp, the onli person i have to deal with is sachin.,

so long nv go back MI le.. realli miss my friends dere, especially kenny, pearlyn, chris, gordon, samuel, ben, eulynn, n lots lots m0re. haha.. miss ang too though. =) though sometimes she a bit naggy, but it's nice to have her around. =)

i dunno wat to say le.. i jux feel so random today. i wanna buy camera soon. so i can take more more beautiful pictures ard me.

oh ya..!! i forgot.. i went to join dancing class at studio wu.. havent start yet.. but i realli do hope it's nice.. jux wanna learn for fun arhx.. not much reason behind it.. but gonna start after my piano exams. (5th march) friends interested, pls look for me, i need buddies to join. dun wana be alone yea. =)

looking forward to go out with xinyu. i miss ya.

jux about me.

.:.MY LOVE.:.

haha.. so cool right? oh well, we're at mac.. waiting for NORBIT to start. =)
haha.. my darling looked so cool wen he's driving. =)
haha.. acting swweet in car.

we jux met up for the date. =) at mac.. eating. yum.!
i lovee tis pic a lot la.. geex.. he's jux sooo cute. muacks.
showing off teeth.
muackx.

okok.. well, wenT out with him today .. hahax.. finally he came back frm malaysia. =) miss miss miss la.. =) wen to watch NORBIT today. damn NICE la.. =) funny though.. haha.. so u guys must go check out tat show.. super cool. geex.. mrs norbit was like 'HOW R U DOING?!' n screaming for her husband throughout the show. lol.. den i went to his house for new year visiting. haha.. nice parents he have. =) den wen ECP (east coast park). =) ok dokie.. den i went home.tat's abt it.

CHERISH LOVE.

went istana. =)

yesyes, he is my grandad. muackx.
n she is my grandad's love.. haha.. MY GRANDMA.. muackx too..!
we went to istana.. to actually view stuffs n to enjoy our third day of new year.. =)
yes.. look at the red flag at the far end ? ' i wanna be the best golfer in town.!' tat's my cousin.
people's park pram. lol. funny.. =)

2nd day.

haha.. getting ready for the 2nd day of new year. =) i loveeeeeeeeeees i toppp... =)

.chinese new year.

blur looking brother. =) looking in ur best for the new year.


we're wearing clothes mind u. =)

feeling all lucky for once.

lele look soooo cute wen sleeping. =)

gamble n gamble n gamble non-stop.

yea.. did have a great day out with my family n enjoying all the things tat we've always done once in every year. it was great for the first day.. we jux ate n ate n ate non-stop. lol.. feeling lucky onli for once wen i won. lost 5 bucks. wat luck. =)

do not wait till lose it before u learn to treasure.

.love is in the air.

It's valentine's day again.. ! n i realli did enojoy every moment of it with my darl. royston. lolx.. u jux cant believe it tat he make choc. for me n YES, it's HOME MADE. wa lao.. lolx.. i'm like so touched and everything, n he did actually plan out our day. =) soooo sweet. geex..

ok.. firstly, we went to his friend's house, mel, to like exchange present, cux we cant go his house. got DAD. haha.. yea, tat's where i received my flower ( it's only one ) but it's like the prettiest flower i ever received. =) n lots of mentos sweets, n his home made choc N N N .. not forgetting, his designed card for me.. soooo nice.. haha... i'm like so stupidly being showered with sooo much love..

haha.. den we go swimming, den go to his house. lol.. cux it's like not nice to put up at his friend's place. so i got no choice but to meet his dad.. A VERY NICE chap. =) he laugh sooo cute tat i eve like laugh with him even though i dunno wat is he laughing abt... haha.. =) killer laugh. oh well, den we went to have dinner at sakae. eat till v. full full. =)

yea, n tat's abt it. =)

p.s. the events r likenot in order. lol =)

happy valentine's day to all. =)

.double done.

end of sec. sch life was wat i wrote in my last post.

tis time, it's something diff.

n something tat i would like it to end FAST.

n FINALLY,


end of STARBUCKS life.


today was my last day of work in starbucks i guessed. cux i told rizal (store manager) tat i have to go aus to further my studies. yea, i knw it's bad to lie. but i have no choice. if not, i will nvr be able to wash my hands of tis matter. lots of politics is happening in store. but luckily, i'm jux involved in scoldings, scoldings n MORE scoldings. i've always been doing well in all other jobs. but i jux dunno y i jux cant stand working in bucks. esp LIDO. starbucks training was fun for me, making new parters r happening, taking bar test is scary n stressing while leaving starbucks is a mixed feeling of happiness n missing. not sure which is which. but well, yea.


n yes.! FINALLY i have decided on the courses i have made n sumitted my form. haix. i hope everything do turn out well for me. as LEAST. if i can get into my 1st choice, i'll have more or less decided my future. but who knws. no one can see the future.


okokok.. enough of stressing stuffs. geex. me n dear today 1st mth le.. haha.. though it's kinda funny, lolx.. celebrating first mth, but yea.. everything is in good hands n it's a good start. =) i'm jux like smiling everyday.

n oh yar.. i got my piano exam results liaox.. damn stressing. gonna learn all my scales by THIS week. if not, i can jux prepare to flunk my exam which is a big NONO to me.

k la. end here.


jux leave me sometime to think through wat i realli wan instead of stressing me.

.done.

end of secondary school life.


finally, after waiting for tis day for soooo long.. got so much shitty stuffs in me.. but yea.. damn nervous wen getting results.. was shivering wen i got my results.. glad tat my eng helped me a lot.. haha.. gotta thank mrs kuah so much.. after 4 years staying with the same eng teacher.. n my tutor of course. =) billy maya.. he's jux so proud of us.. =) well, i am sooo proud of hiqmah.. she did v.well.. kinda cried for her.. but it's tears of joy..hahax.. =) . n of course jannah n caroline too.. dey did improve lots.. =) n last but not least. IYLIA. dun be sad. at lease u can go to TP for mass com.. it's all worth while. i jux love u babe. half of my class peeps got 6 dists n above la.. quite a number of peeps said i did well for o's. but i guessed it's onli average. not my expectation yet. it's now 11pm liaox but phone still ringing non-stop.. so many peeps is like asking how much i got.. tat's kinda expected though.. but NOT SO MUCH. it's ALREADY eleven.


went out to chill in starbucks after tat.. wanna celebrate hiqmah's joy.. but like end up we all got so tired to do anything. anyway, i didnt realli chill out.. cux the sun is like burning me n roy.. =( n guessed wat.?! jannah, hiqmah n piak took cab down to lido starbucks. we're like finding nas la.. cux he says he wanna treat us eat. so yea.. went down.. n guessed how much is the cab fare? $25 plus. wat the hell. daylight robbery.. hahah.. i'm like so lucky to have roy.. lolx.. thank him for everything la.. he even like came all the way down to look for me at bedok res. SO TOUCHED. =)

ya.. but after writing all these, i'm still like feeling all so emo.. wat's wrg with me today?! beats me.. i dun even knw.. well, i'm jux tired. i jux wanna say i love all my bitches. regardless of wat dey r going to do in their nxt phase of life, where dey r n who dey r with. u guys r the ones who r always with me. n not forgetting roy too.. i jux love u. muackx. =)

half an hour to type these.


still got people asking me abt results.


got to go entertain dem NOW.


wat done is undone.

lala... so longgg nv update blog is not my fault.. hahax.. cux for the past few times wen i tried to log in. something is v.wrg arhx.. cant log in.. so yea.. finally. =) in 2 more days time, goonnaa see my future le(o's result coming out) .. att first was thinking of going jc de.. but even in MI i feel like stressed. wat more in other jcs.. so yea.. gonna go poly.. take accounts. hope i can survive dere. kinda stucked between 3 polys where i wanna go. np, sp or tp. well, dun wanna think of it YET. today went out with jannah n mamaaaa arhx.. go bugis walk walk.. kinda get present for v.day. =) did everything perfectly.. which lifted my mood.


knw a lot of nice friends in MI. n suddenly realised dere r actually some cute guys in my class. but yea.. no other intention. got guy le.=) hahax.. got to be in the same class with samuel gan again.. lolx.. 4 yrs same class in pri sch le den now so qiao same class again.. geex.. den got to knw sheena, chirst, pearlyn, gordon, ben n lots lots lots more.. =) den in school got lots of fun la.. skip lectures n stuffs like tat.. lolx.. guess wat?! i heard frm gordon tat i was topped in class for h2 maths.. lolx.. i didnt realli do it myself de lo.. haha.. is copy frm kenny de.. den the funny thing is, my marks still higher den him.. lolx.. think tml lots of peeps not going school.. cux a lot of people got pre-results stress.. hahax..

k la.. time to watch tv. =)